“Where can I find a FemDomme?” This is something I’ve been asked a lot of times before. And a good answer to that question is, almost anywhere. But if you want specifics, I would recommend Reddit, Twitter, FetLife.”Where can I find a FemDomme? This is something I’ve been asked a lot of times before. And a good answer to that question is, almost anywhere. But if you want specifics, I would recommend Reddit, Twitter, FetLife.
And a munch, of course. But where do you find a munch? Well, most munches you can google. Just google munches in and your city or state or something like that. Or you can find events hosted on FetLife. FetLife is a good place to start in general. But you have to be mindful and aware that not everything on FetLife is going to work out.
Be sceptical, but be sceptical in general, always. There are actually BDSM and Femdom communities all over the internet, and they’re not really that hard to find, you just gotta use the right keywords. Some of those keywords are pretty obvious, like BDSM, Femdom, whatever. When you’ve found those communities, You gotta try to, you know, integrate, or participate, or at least be active, so people get a sense of who you are.
And I do recommend that you try to be anonymous while you do this. Do not use your full name or your real name. Find a username, an alias, or something like that, that you can use to protect yourself. Not everyone is out and open about what they do in regards to BDSM and FemDom. And that is completely okay.
I do not judge. Nobody really judges, except people who are outside of the community. So, before you start your search for a Domme in general, I think you should start doing some research about what BDSM is. What femdom is and what you’re looking for, find out exactly what it is you want from a femdom or a BDSM relationship.
What is it exactly you want? This is important, because if you know what you’re looking for, it is much easier to find that. The more specific you are about what you want, the higher the chance is that you’re actually going to find it. Which is something you want, right? But of course, you can’t always know what you want, especially if you’re new to BDSM.
You might not even know what you like yet, and that is completely okay, but you have to realize that, and you still have to do some research about what BDSM is. And no, femdom porn is not adequate research, and it doesn’t reflect the reality of what femdom really is. It really does not, so you have to just knock that fucking expectation out of your mind right now.
And the best way to know about BDSM, to get information about it and research it, is of course, first and foremost, to Google it, and secondly, try to engage in and be part of a BDSM community. For example, Reddit has a lot of communities you can join, and you can ask questions there, and there is a lot of good information out there already, and many people have been asking the exact same questions you’ve been wondering about.
So, to reiterate, hopefully you’ve done some research and probably some soul searching about what you want from a femdomme. What you want in a BDSM relationship or in general, what you want. If you want a bedroom only type of thing, that’s fine. Some people look for that, both femdoms and subs. Maybe you want something that is a little more akin to a lifestyle dom where everything is ongoing 24 7, and sometimes you just want casual fun.
As long as you’re honest with yourself. First, it’s going to be a good starting point on how it’s gonna go if you contact a Domme you find interesting. Now, one thing you’re probably going to notice in all the communities you probably want to join, is both Dommes and Subs put out ads to find a kinky partner.
Maybe a Switch, maybe a Sub, maybe a Domme. But, there always is someone looking for a partner, so it’s not just you. Dommes too, yeah. And if you’ve been listening to my other episode, Femdom Red Flags, maybe you know what to look for and how you can tell someone who is trying to trick you or scam you or catfish you, apart from someone who is a genuine femdom.
And for this, you know, you need to use common sense. So you’re probably going to look around for a while and hopefully stumble across a genuine ad placed by a domme, and maybe you’ll find it interesting and want to contact her. There is a few important things you have to keep in mind when you do that, which is going to be the difference between her actually answering you or ignoring you.
First of all, Be sure you read her ad thoroughly, hopefully several times, so you know what she’s looking for and be sure that she’s looking for you, that you have something that she wants, that you can offer her something that she’s interested in. This is The most important part of everything. And then, I want you to do research on her specifically.
Click her username, find her profile, find whatever you can about her. Maybe she has a website, maybe she has a Twitter. Whatever it is, you have to do some research beforehand. Make sure you understand what kind of person this is. is before you contact her. If she is someone with a big online presence this was probably going to tell you everything you want to know about her as a domme.
Maybe you find out after a little while that you’re not going to get along with her because she’s into something you’re not into. Something like that. If you cannot find Any kind of information about this person and their profile is blank, consider that a tiny little red flag and maybe think twice before you contact her.
And in her ad, she has probably listed what she can offer you as a sub, and hopefully she’s listed what she’s looking for in a sub. So then, you gotta ask yourself, Am I the person she’s looking for? Is she the person I’m looking for? Are we going to be compatible, or is just Just a dead on arrival. So if you’ve done your research on her and you’ve made up your mind that you think she’s perfect for you, and you are the sub she’s seeking, now is the time to initiate contact.
And more than likely, you’ve already written up something and you’ve sent it to multiple dommes, and you’ve been indiscriminate about who you sent it to. Maybe you have, maybe you haven’t. But it’s a very usual occurrence that I have been the receiving end of multiple times. And here is your first mistake.
Every single Domme knows when you’ve been copy pasting a message and sent it to multiple people. It is very easy to see because you are Just essentially doing a general thing, not ever addressing a single specific thing in her ad or about her, which is a very big indicator that you haven’t done your research, and that is extremely bad etiquette.
And it’s offensive. Sending a copy pasted message to several employers is considered bad manners. What makes you think it’s not going to be considered bad manners if you do it to a person who might be interested in a relationship with you? And sending a generalized copy pasted message is usually a sign of desperation and very, very few femdommes is interested in a really desperate sub who wants to submit to just anyone.
And I’m not saying that every single domme is not interested in a sub in that way, but it’s specifically me and people who I have been talking to. If you’re going to write someone a message, especially a domme you have a genuine interest in, you have to write her. A specific and genuine message. Show her you’ve been actually reading about her.
Show her you know what she’s about. And show her that you’re genuinely interested in her as a person and as a domme. And that she’s not just one of many people you’re trying to get with. Cause that behavior is trashy and unwanted. The next step is to actually write her a message. And I did say that you have to know what you’re looking for.
And the first thing that pops up in your mind is probably, Yeah, well I hope our fetishes align and I hope our kinks are compatible. So you might think that that is the first thing you should write and ask or tell her about. Your kinks. But you should not do that. This is not something you should start any conversation with.
Remember! To her, you are a complete stranger. She knows nothing about you. Why the fuck are you jumping directly to telling her what you like in bed? That is not a good way to start a first impression. So my advice to you, do not bring up your kinks or fetishes unless she does, and usually that doesn’t happen until later in the conversation.
Or maybe she wants to know up front. Anyways, wait until she asks. So how do you start a message to a femdomme? First of all, greet her and tell her your name. Doesn’t have to be your real name, just tell her a name so she knows how to address you. And for the love of fucking god, do not start the fucking message with hello Mistress or anything like it.
Just write hello and something interesting. Do not write just hi or hello. A good little tip from me is to start your message off with something specific you know about her or have found out about her. So it catches her attention, because then she knows, oh, this person has actually done their research about me.
I want to talk to them. Then you should probably continue by telling her what about her it is that make you interested in her. What is it you like about her? What is it that makes you think you two are compatible? And another good thing to include in your message is what you bring to the table. How do you think you can serve her?
How do you think you could be of use to her? And I’m not talking about offering to go down on her or asking her if she can sit on your face. I’m talking about other things you can do for her. Doesn’t necessarily mean in kinky fashions. Maybe you’re a bit of a service sub and you just want to do things for her.
Tell her this, maybe she wants that. But for now, just lay off the kinks until she asks. And although you want to send a good message, don’t make it a wall of text. Make sure what you’re writing isn’t focused entirely on you. Nobody wants to talk to a self centered person who just wants to talk about themselves and what they want.
Try to think about the other person, too. If you tell her something about herself or ask about her… Be interested in her, show her you are genuinely interested, and you might actually get a reply. And in your approach, you should be polite and somewhat humble, but do not talk to her in a submissive manner.
Don’t start off by playing submissive to her. It’s not a good look, and it just shows that you’re trying to use her as a kink dispenser. And this is a big cliche, but it’s true. Be yourself. Try to be yourself as much as possible. And you may get along, especially if it’s meant to be. After all, you want her to like you for you, and not someone that she thinks you are.
Be genuine, and be honest, and try not to portray yourself as someone you’re not, or try to deliver her unreasonable expectations. Don’t try to be something you think that she wants. It’s only going to end badly when she realizes that you aren’t actually who you said you were. You shouldn’t try to change yourself to fit into someone’s narrative.
Not for a domme either, especially. Not a femdom you just met. You also shouldn’t start off with demands of what you’re looking for in a domme. She didn’t ask you this, she placed an ad and you answered. So in a way, it’s basically like you’re applying for a job. But you know, not that kind of formal setting, and you shouldn’t actually think of it like that, but just imagine for a minute that is how it is.
You answered an ad for a job you really, really want. But instead of actually replying to the ad in a way that you should have, and saying like, okay, so, here is why I think I’m good for this job, here is my qualifications, here is what I can bring. Which is what you should do, by the way, both in the job setting and when you’re applying to be someone’s sub.
Instead, you start off by listing off everything you want from the job. You show absolutely no sign of having actually read the work ad, you haven’t done the research on the company, and you don’t seem to have any clue what kind of position you’re actually applying for. You don’t seem like you know what kind of position or what kind of job it is that you’re actually coming in for an interview for.
So you’re clueless, you have no respect for your employer, and you’re coming in there and demanding things right off the bat. You’re not going to get that job, dude. And in the same way, you’re not going to become someone’s sub if that is the mindset you’re setting out with. And many, many Dommes really want to start off with a friendship first.
And that is a good starting point in general. Maybe that is what she actually wrote she’s looking for. Sometimes though, you’re just looking for some casual fun and just some general playtime. Maybe friends with benefits or something like that. That is fine. Make sure that the Domme you’re contacting is also looking for something casual.
Don’t contact a lifestyle Domme who is looking for long term relationships if you just want some kinky play in the bedroom. She might already have said somewhere that she’s not interested in anything casual. And make sure your expectations are realistic. Remember, first and foremost, All FemDommes are people, we’re human, and seeing Dommes as human first and foremost is important if you want to find someone.
So there you have it, a lot of useful tips and advice for you that’s trying to find a FemDomme you can spend your kinky time with. I sincerely wish you luck in finding the Domme of your dreams, and may you serve her well.